Let me start by saying that I believe I have raised children who will grow up to be quality individuals who are an asset to their communities.I have what folks call “good kids”.You know, the kind that you can take out to public places and events without them acting a damn fool…. lol.So why you ask, do I think I may not be raising them properly? Well… they don’t listen to me.
When I was 11 and 9 years old
When I tell them to do or not do something, I usually get a lot of lip and even more attitude.Basically, getting them to do anything I tell them to do requires my saying it at 2 least times, and often raising my voice when that doesn’t work.
For instance, I caught my son playing Playstation early in the morning and I told him to turn it off.He quickly responded with a “Wait”.I left the room, came back, told him again and he pouted, complained and told me to wait again.As I stood there looking at him, I thought for a moment about what would have happened to me had I done the exact same thing when I was his age.Truth is, I would have never done such a thing but I am sure if I had I would have been slapped dead in the mouth.
For a second I actually considered putting the smack down, but then I thought he may grow up to hate me.Eventually I got my son into bed, but for the rest of the evening I thought about what I was doing wrong as a parent.Why don’t my children listen to me? Was I raising them wrong? Am I wrong for trying to talk to my children rather than spank them? Did the previous generation know something this generation’s parents don’t? Is it possible they knew what they were doing when they sent us outside to “pick that switch” off the tree? I don’t know… do any of you?
8 Responses to “Sometimes I Wonder If I Am Raising My Children Properly”
Leave a Reply
Light up the night! Globally Recognized Avatars (or: gravatars) are how some people make those little icons appear next to their names in replies here. Get one of your own for free today and use it everywhere you go!
June 12th, 2006 at 2:19 pm
My wife is going throught he same thing with my son. You need to check you child every time they step out of line. Your child will not grow up to hate you if you discipline them. Children only hate adults that abuse them and those that try to be thier friend and not their parent.
I discipline my son with a speech and an a belt. I give him more hugs than beatings and I explain to him what he did wrong and why he is getting disciplined. I explained this to my wife yesterday, you must communicate with them before you let it get out of hand. If don’t CORRECT your child the CORRECTIONAL FACILITY will. I must be frank ACS (BCW) has turnerd a lot of parents into punks.
June 12th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
[quote comment="563"] If you don’t CORRECT your child the CORRECTIONAL FACILITY will. I must be frank ACS (BCW) has turnerd a lot of parents into punks.[/quote]I hear us say this a lot but this isn’t really a fear of mine.The children listen to their Dad… no questions aksed.But I am tired of having to call in their Dad to handle situations I should be able to handle as their Mother.
June 12th, 2006 at 2:42 pm
Most children tend to behave differently with their father’s than they do their mother’s.Fathere’s tend to be the disciplinarian while Mother’s are the comforters.They fear Daddy and love Mommy.They know if they screw up Daddy is gonna put it on them and so they do all their dirt with Mama- at least this is how me and my sibblings were.Momma was a pushover and so we pushed her over.We knew never to try on Daddy what we did with Mama- he would have killed us.But it’s nothing to worry about Shawna because their is a strong hand in your house.As long as the Dad is around everything will be fine.
June 21st, 2006 at 1:19 am
I think that you have to examine you own observations on this. They listen to their father but not you. It is likely that he, like most fathers, says something once and then lays down the consequences immediatly if there is no response. Unless you do this, kids will know that it is game-time with you. And if you do this early and often, when they get older (5, 6.. +) they will know that neither parent is up for the okey doke.
My kids KNOW that when i say “move” ,”do it” ,”go” ,”stop”, nothing else better be happening.
June 21st, 2006 at 1:42 am
^ Let’s switch kids Jasai… lol.
You know the funny thing with their Dad is that he is not a disciplinarian.He doesn’t punish or spank the kids either.They just listen to him no questions asked.
Guy often says to me “That’s why they don’t listen to you” But truth is, he does nothing differently than I do.They just don’t listen to me.
I’m really starting to think it’s just a respect thing.They respect him more as the male figure with the booming voice than they do lil ole Mama.
I cannot see whatever it can possibly be.
June 28th, 2006 at 9:47 pm
“For a second I actually considered putting the smack down, but then I thought he may grow up to hate me.”
This part really stood out to me. Your parents put the smack down on you, but do you hate them? Probably not!
I don’t have to discipline my daughter now because I laid the foundation when she was younger. IMO, early and consistent discipline makes it easier as they get older. Of course she tries me every now and then (she’s a tenneager) but it doesn’t take much to make me tighten the reigns (lol).
I think the most important thing I do is set a clearly defined parameters. I am not her friend. We talk openly and she can trust me, but I am and always will be her mom. I don’t care if she likes me. Hell, some days I don’t like her (lol). But I’ll ALWAYS love her and vice versa. I don’t care if I hurt her feelings if she can’t get what she wants. I do take the time to explain my decisions (I hated when mama told me “because I said so!”), and welcome her feedback but what I say goes and that’s the bottom line. And when I say something, I’m only gonna say it once. She’s 14 now and all I have to do is give her “the look,” then that azz gets to gettin (lol). She’s not afraid of me but she does respect me. Single Ma don’t play that! LOL
June 28th, 2006 at 10:07 pm
[quote comment="607"]“For a second I actually considered putting the smack down, but then I thought he may grow up to hate me.”
This part really stood out to me. Your parents put the smack down on you, but do you hate them? Probably not![/quote]
No, I don’t hate my mother, but all my brothers and sister do.She put the smack down, over and over again and continued to put it down until she had her children taken out of her custody.An extreme case, yes, but hitting children will probably leave an emotional scar that many of us won’t know about until it resurfaces in the form of abusing others, drug use, ext, ext.
I was speaking with my West Indian neighbor yesterday and even at 34 I still need and seek advice from others.She spoke of how she was floored at how American children run their kids rather than vise versa.I realized that I had allowed my children to run me for years which is why they didn’t respect me as they do their father.
In any case,everyday I strive to be a better Mom and though my relationship isn’t perfect with my children, I know I have succeeded in raising the quality children I had always planned to.
July 2nd, 2006 at 10:43 pm
“…everyday I strive to be a better Mom and though my relationship isn’t perfect with my children, I know I have succeeded in raising the quality children I had always planned to.”
And that’s all that matters. Unfortunately they don’t come with an owner’s manual (lol) and each day is a new learning experience for all.
You have beautiful children, by the way.